


You laugh like you've never been lonely (you laugh like there's hope in the story)

by minttobe_treehill



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Anyway I hate ao3 tags, Anyway hope you like this little fic, F/M, M/M, Maybe too fluffly?, They make you sound awkward, fluffy af, i don't think so but maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 18:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10859307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minttobe_treehill/pseuds/minttobe_treehill
Summary: The thing is, her mission was just to try and collect herself a bit, to try to understand if what she had felt on Friday made any sense. It did… And it didn’t. That’s what Isak had meant, right?Or, Sana (kind of) asks Isak for advice. Who would've thought he was right?





	You laugh like you've never been lonely (you laugh like there's hope in the story)

**Author's Note:**

> Halla, beautiful people. I've had this idea for a fic since Friday's (brilliant, amazing, mesmerizing, piece of art) clip. The initial thought was for it to be only about Sana and Yousef, but I can't help myself when it comes to writing about Sana and Isak (and Even!). So... Yeah, hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Title from Ben Howard's "Promise" (definitely one of the best songs I've ever listened to).

Sana had a mission. A mission she wasn’t exactly proud of, _thank you very much_. But a mission anyway. She was going to as Isak for advice. The boy wasn’t as dumb and lost as he looked. Who would’ve told Sana she was going to even be considering this? The thing is, she still remembered those little conversations she and Isak shared when he was dealing with coming to terms with his sexuality and liking Even. They felt good, they really did.

“Hey” – she said, approaching the chair next to Isak.

“Hi!”

Isak hadn’t always been cheerful. He used to be grumpy, a bit rude, and maybe cocky sometimes. But then Sana noticed he was just trying to fight a battle on his own – like her. It hadn’t been that hard to spot, really. The permanent frown in his face, the bags under his eyes, the constant and quick move of his eyes whenever they touched certain topics… But the worst of them all was when Isak had no expression on his face; when he looked too tired to even try to look okay. Those days, Sana silently feared he’d give up.

“You’re here early” – Isak said, looking questioningly at here from his spot on the chair.

Barely anyone was in class, and that was something Sana was so grateful for.

“ _You_ are here early. No Even today?” – she smiled.

“He’s in the canteen”

Sana frowned – more to herself than anyone else. She bit her bottom lip and watched Isak look away by the corner of her eyes. She could avoid the topic, and maybe that’s what she should do.

“Everything alright?”

Isak did one of his things. He turned his head to her again, but didn’t quite look at her in the eyes, more like at a random point in the space between them. And then he started nodding quickly, making some of the strands of hair by his forehead bump up and down. Sana could see some of the old Isak in that expression, but the light in his eyes was still there.

He finally looked at her, “Yeah, yeah… You know, taking it day by day and all. He was feeling a bit off and wanted to be alone for a moment”

Sana nodded, pressing her lips together. She remembered the conversation she had with Yousef last Friday and something in her chest felt heavier. She tried to remind herself everything was actually fine, but she just wished she could be alone in her bedroom right then, trying to get rid of the tenth or eleventh thought of the day. Something in her head clicked and she remembered the _mission_.

“Talking about Even… How…” – she cleared her throat – “How did it all start?”

Isak frowned, looking confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Like… How did you two get together?”

Isak shook his head dramatically – the frown still in his face.

“Are you joking or…?”

Sana pressed her lips together once more, not even caring about ruining her lipstick. She looked at the table as little fragments of Friday evening came to her mind. Her mission was asking Isak how he knew something was happening between Even and him. Not because she was curious, but because she was a bit scared. She had felt something different on Friday, something she couldn’t decipher what was about. She had considered asking Noora about this stuff, but she was trying to get the girl to forget about William and… Well, let’s say talking about that wouldn’t exactly help. So she had turned to Isak. What a brilliant idea, right?

She clenched her jaw and looked at Isak before speaking again, “How did you know there was something going on?”

And Isak expression suddenly changed. It was no longer confusion, it was just surprise. He looked somewhere else and brought his hand to the back of his head, scratching it – a nervous habit.

“Well… Eh…”

Isak wasn’t exactly the most eloquent person in the world. What was Sana thinking?

“Never mind, forget it”

Sana started putting the Biology book and notes over the table, busying herself, trying not to look as embarrassed as she was feeling. Another thought to get rid of, then.

Isak put a hand over her book, trying to get her attention. He did.

“I wasn’t sure. He caught me looking at him the first time I saw him. And then… Then we had weird encounters, I guess. He talked to me first, which I didn’t really understand on the first place, if I’m being honest. I didn’t have a clue about what was going on. It was all happening so fast my brain couldn’t keep up – or didn’t want to” – he smiled, more to himself than to Sana – “I never knew and I always did, you know? There was a moment at the kollektivet— That party we did, with the fluorescent paint thing and all, remember?”

Sana nodded.

“We almost kissed that night, in the kitchen. I knew it was going to happen the moment I saw that he hadn’t left with the girls. But then it didn’t happen. I just… Every time, I knew he looked at me the way I knew I looked at him, but there were times I wasn’t sure it would work”

“What made you feel it would?”

“One day I just felt _us_ not working didn’t make sense anymore. I started to ask myself, _‘How could it not work?’_ And I was right”

Sana smiled. She forgot about everything for a moment and decided to let the happiness and the pride spread through her body. Even used to spend a lot of time at home with Elias and the rest of the boys. He and Yousef were always the kind and polite friends. They would always compliment her mom about her cooking – mostly Even – and would say hello to Sana every time she was also home. There were times Even wasn’t there, or he was but _not really_ , not like the boy she and the rest knew. And one day it all went down. Even stopped hanging out at home, complimenting her mom’s shish barak and greeting Sana. She remembers seeing him at Nissen one day and wondering how was he doing. But she never asked, she just looked. And she liked what she saw: deep down, the Even who helped her with the dishes once was still there. Luckily, that boy never left after finding Isak.

“Thanks”

“No problem, _gurl_ ”

Sana smiled once again. All the annoying thoughts left her mind for an hour.

-*-

Isak’s words wouldn’t leave her mind. The books in her locker threatened to fall every time she tried to reach for the correct one. _He looked at me the way I knew I looked at him_. Those exact words were the ones that were making it all too difficult. Sana should have been able to predict Isak would get all sentimental – _and damn right, too_.

“Hello”

Sana snapped her neck to her right. A tall figure was languidly supporting itself by the lockers. _Even_. It seemed like that was the only way they would talk on their own.

“Hey”

There was an awkward silence between them. Sana felt like asking him how he was doing, how he was holding up, and it also seemed like he had something to tell her. But no one was talking.

Sana pressed her lips together and started looking everywhere but Even.

Just then, he talked.

“When… When you feel like there’s something inside of you that could eventually make things more complicated than they are, everything feels heavier…”

Even started fidgeting with the cords of his sweater, not looking at Sana anymore. It felt like he hadn’t finished yet, so she stayed quiet.

He looked up, again. “…All the pulling away between Isak and I was all my fault. I thought being by his side and fearing he would eventually run away was the weight I was carrying. But one day I realized that wasn’t it. Not being with him and still being scared was. All the pulling away was making me feel heavier. Not being with him. Not letting myself be happy”

 _One day I just felt us not working didn’t make sense anymore._ So that’s what Isak meant?

“When you let yourself be just a person with just another person, _it_ makes sense”

Sana didn’t know she was holding her breath until she felt herself breathing properly again. She blinked twice, trying to hide her emotions. Even smiled. He knew.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Isak said you had some questions”

Sana rolled her eyes fondly and that made Even laugh out loud.

Somehow, it all made sense.

-*-

Sana was walking home from Noora’s. The sun was already hiding between the trees, but it was still visible. It was a chilly evening, but Sana needed some air. It had been impossible to forget about all the things Isak and Even had said. _Are you looking into my eyes now?_ Sana’s thoughts were all over the place. The thing is, her mission was just to try and collect herself a bit, to try to understand if what she had felt on Friday made any sense. It did… And it didn’t. That’s what Isak had meant, right?

She looked up and realized she was in front of the court they had spent Friday evening playing basketball. Why wasn’t she paying attention to where she was going?

If Sana had stopped believing weird things can actually happen when you less expect them to, she wouldn’t have believed Yousef was sitting on the same spot they had been talking a couple of days ago. Then again, if she didn’t believe anything was possible, Yousef looked up and saw her awkwardly standing there. He raised his right hand tentatively and something inside of Sana told her to go away, but Isak and Even’s words made her walk into the court and sit next to Yousef.

“Hey”

Sana let her dimples free and smiled at him, looking at her feet – resting above the wooden seat – and trying to stay calm.

There was space between their bodies, but they were a bit closer than Friday evening. That made Sana’s stomach turn.

“How are you?”

Sana looked up and was greeted with a smiling boy and a couple of strands of hair falling close to his eyes. The sun behind his head and the pink sky made it all look mesmerizing.

“I’m alright. What are you doing here by yourself? Has my brother ditched you already?”

He laughed openly, showing his teeth. The blush on Sana’s cheeks made the chilly air go away.

“I ditched him, actually. His existence isn’t as useful as cockroaches, so I decided I didn’t want that in my life”

Sana chuckled, and everything felt lighter than ever.

_When you let yourself be just a person with just another person, it makes sense._

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes and it felt almost familiar. It reminded Sana of all the times she had looked at Yousef, only to feel his eyes on her the perfect amount of time for her to look away. It was about the intensity of the moment, the warmth.

He turned and looked at her in the eyes. She pretended not to notice at first, but she couldn’t stand it for too long. They locked eyes, just like the last bit of Friday night, when everything felt blurry and as clear as ever at the same time.

Yousef closed his eyes and brought his hands to his hair, gripping the strands of hair and groaning out loud.

Sana wanted to laugh.

He linked his fingers behind his neck and stared at the basket.

Yousef swallowed before talking, “Sana, I really need to tell you something”

Sana clenched her jaw. _I knew it was going to happen_.

He stood up from the wooden table and stood up in front of Sana, keeping the distance but keeping his eyes stuck to her face. He started bouncing his leg up and down and Sana couldn’t breathe.

Yousef pressed his lips together for a second, breathing hard, and then he just let go.

“I like you”

The staring contest continued, it felt like it had never stopped. Sana felt her cheeks heat up again and the cool Norwegian breeze could do nothing to cool her down.

What do you do when what you fear the most happens? What do you do when that thing is the one that’s been keeping you up all night wishing it would eventually happen?

_When you feel like there’s something inside of you that could eventually make things more complicated than they are, everything feels heavier_

 “Sana, please say something”

_But one day I realized that wasn’t it. All the pulling away was making me feel heavier._

“I told my mom there was a boy I liked. The first thing she asked me was that if he was muslim. I told her he was because I _thought_ he was. And I…” – Sana swallowed; this was being more difficult than she had expected it to be – “…I told her he was smart, and funny and… Yeah. Then I found out he wasn’t muslim and for a moment it didn’t matter that he was smart and funny, or that I liked him, because he didn’t believe in what I did. And that still matters to me. But somehow… Somehow the world doesn’t work that way. And praying has been difficult for me these days because I can’t understand why it has to be this difficult. I don’t want to pull away, but I also can’t stay away from my faith because I need it. And I… I just like him”

Sana hadn’t been looking at Yousef throughout the whole speech. It had been impossible. So the moment she actually looked up from her shoes, she saw something she wasn’t expecting.

The boy hadn’t moved a muscle; he was standing right there, looking at her with a slight smile on his face.

“You think I’m smart _and_ funny?”

_And handsome._

Sana frowned, but Yousef softened his expression even more. And suddenly she saw herself in that boy, she saw the crinkles by his eyes and the light in his expression; it was like looking in the mirror after Friday night.

_Every time, I knew he looked at me the way I knew I looked at him_

“I didn’t say it was you”

Yousef raised his arms over his head and raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Yeah… I’m _so_ sorry! You didn’t mean _me_! Yeah, _of course_ you didn’t!”

Sana rolled her eyes and couldn’t help the smile that was creeping through her whole face. She looked at Yousef one more time and he shook his head, biting his bottom lip. The burden on Sana’s shoulders went away the moment she realized nothing had happened, the world hadn’t ended and she was still in the wooden table, laughing at a smiling Yousef.

She remembered the stupid love stories she used to hear about when she was a bit younger. They were all about big gestures, about saying the right thing in the right moment. They were never about trying to pull away and then realizing all you have to do is let go and then go from there.

Life expectancy of cockroaches is about two years. Sana has more time than that to figure things out.

“What are we going to do?”

_We._

Sana smirked.

What were the chances of a kind boy who was taller than everyone else and a sweet guy who pretended to be way tougher than he actually was of meeting and falling for each other? What were the chances of two lost boys of finding each other and realize life was lighter like that?

“Right now we’re going to look for a ball and I’m going to kick your ass”

“Ha! You wish”

The chances were as low as Yousef winning Sana at a basketball match.

But there are still plenty of games to play.

_Right?_

-*-

 _One day I just felt us not working didn’t make sense anymore_. _I started to ask myself, ‘How could it not work?’_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hate not being true to the characters, so I hope you understand the way I decided this little story to go.


End file.
